War.
What is it good for?
Absolutely no.....
I'm torn between the war.
Shane Claiborne, writer and activist, writes about his time in Iraq:
"Every time our government chooses to use military force to bring about change in the world, it once again teaches our children the myth of redemptive violence, the myth that violence can be an instrument for good. This is precisely the logic we are trying to rid ourselves of, especially in the inner city, and even more so for those of us who have pledged allegiance to the cross rather than the sword, and heed Jesus' rebuke to Peter that "all who draw the sword will die by the sword" (Matthew 26.52). Violence infects us. We begin to believe that violence can bring peace in our world, in our neighborhoods, in our homes, in our hearts.
I began to consider what it means to pledge allegiance to Jesus and his cross. After nearly a year of discernment, seeking the wisdom of God and close friends, I decided to join the chorus of peacemakers, the incredible witness of Voices in the Wilderness and the Christian Peacemaker Teams and Peaceful Tomorrows. After counting the cost of going to Iraq and the cost of not going to Iraq, I went to Baghdad in March 2003 with the Iraq Peace Team, a team of clergy, priests, veterans, doctors, journalists, students and concerned citizens. I put together a statement articulating why I was going, and I headed to Iraq, where I ended up living through the most beautiful and horrific month of my life. I was there during the bombing of Baghdad, visiting homes, hospitals, and families--and going to worship services with hundreds of Iraqi Christians I met there.
Essentially, I went to Iraq because I believe in a God of scandalous grace. I have pledged allegiance to a King who loved evildoers so much he died for them, teaching us that there is something worth dying for but nothing worth killing for.
I went to Iraq in the footsteps of an executed and risen God. The Jesus of the margins suffered an imperial execution by an oppressive regime of wealthy and pious elites. And now he dares me and woos me to come and follow, to take up my cross, to lose my life to find it, with the promises that life is more powerful than death and that it is more courageous to love our enemies than to kill them.
I went to Iraq to stop terrorism. There are extremist, both Muslim and Christian, who kill in the name of their gods. Their leaders are millionaires who live in comfort while their citizens die neglected in the streets. But I believe in another kingdom that belongs to the poor and to the peacemakers.
I went to Iraq to stand in the way of war. Thousands of soldiers have gone to Iraq, willing to kill people they do not know because of a political allegiance. I wen willing to die for people I do not know because of a spiritual allegiance." The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne, pages 206, 207 & 208.
We criticize our Muslim brothers and sisters for their acts of terror for their god Allah. Yet we send bombs from comfy chairs in front of signs that say, "God Bless America." Indeed I ask, where is the love? For God loved us, Christ showed us that, Christ even said to us, "Love your enemies," and yet as a "Christian" country, we fight, wage war and neglect our own poor by saying it is their fault that they can't get a job or they are too lazy. It hurts.
Never have I ever experienced poverty on a materialistic level. I thank God everyday for the way my dad worked his butt off for my mom and us boys. Yet, recently, an awareness of the way I waste things has consumed my life. I want to do something about my ignorance to poverty, to the poor, to the marginalized, to the oppressed, to the orphans, to the widowed. My sufferings are nothing compared to others.
My hope is to pledge allegiance to the gospel that tells me to love all. To indeed find truth and beauty that is in this world that is of God and bring that to all of our attentions. I'm tired of seeing hell on earth. I am tired of this war, the dead bodies both foreign and those close to home. I am tired of the mindset to kill them because they look Muslim or from "that area". Where is the love? Why must we kill people we don't even know? Take a minute and think about the child who's life has just been ripped out from underneath them because his parents were innocent spectators to the war? What would the response be if that happened in the beloved America?
Why must we hate? Why must we look at those different from us and call them names? Look at me. I have big ears, messy hair, love handles and sometimes I pick my nose, but I don't hear or see you wishing death upon me.
Where is the love?
To you O Christ, I pledge my allegiance. May your radiant light be seen from me. Forgive us O Lord, for we know not what we do.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Our True Selves
The temptation is there. I feel it. I sense it. All around me I see success in a way that the world tells me what is success. Looking around I see those who are our age, happy, homeowners, world travelers and lovers. Yet I feel like we are none of those.
Hidden in the darkness of their souls, there is laughter and their is joy. Hidden behind the thick brush that covers their true selves, lies a desire to see things they hope too. Yet being committed to something is difficult. Especially something that you rarely get to see the end too.
How did they do it? Just, drop everything, leave everybody and follow this man? Kierkegaard, reminds us that they did not know what we know. They had no idea that he was God. I mean, yeah he mentioned it but for us to say, "come on Peter, what were you thinking", would be slightly ridiculous.
Yet they showed no hesitation. He loved them and cared for them. He, I assume, got a little frustrated after being with them for so long and teaching them and speaking to them in parables, and they still did not catch on, and yet, he loved them. At least they actually had Him wash their feet and to pray for them. Would that even make a difference, though? I too are like them, I suppose. Yet, they eventually got it. Will I?
My heart is wanting more for myself. But the path I have chosen for me, for us, is one that is not easy. No it is, to be completely honest, one that requires me to be poor and to give lots of time to it. Why was it so simple for them? Or why is it so simple for me and I do not recognize it? I want to do this but I don't for what I am told are all the wrong reasons.
One day we will be rich. One day I will have my feet washed by the Teacher himself. One day I will love life unconditionally. One day I will experience what others my age are experiencing. One day we will escape this foreign land and enter into some sort of lighted place. One day life will enter her again. One day I will be able to lean back after a hard days work, and honestly feel like I have accomplished something. One day she will smile again. One day, we may actually be our true selves.
Hidden in the darkness of their souls, there is laughter and their is joy. Hidden behind the thick brush that covers their true selves, lies a desire to see things they hope too. Yet being committed to something is difficult. Especially something that you rarely get to see the end too.
How did they do it? Just, drop everything, leave everybody and follow this man? Kierkegaard, reminds us that they did not know what we know. They had no idea that he was God. I mean, yeah he mentioned it but for us to say, "come on Peter, what were you thinking", would be slightly ridiculous.
Yet they showed no hesitation. He loved them and cared for them. He, I assume, got a little frustrated after being with them for so long and teaching them and speaking to them in parables, and they still did not catch on, and yet, he loved them. At least they actually had Him wash their feet and to pray for them. Would that even make a difference, though? I too are like them, I suppose. Yet, they eventually got it. Will I?
My heart is wanting more for myself. But the path I have chosen for me, for us, is one that is not easy. No it is, to be completely honest, one that requires me to be poor and to give lots of time to it. Why was it so simple for them? Or why is it so simple for me and I do not recognize it? I want to do this but I don't for what I am told are all the wrong reasons.
One day we will be rich. One day I will have my feet washed by the Teacher himself. One day I will love life unconditionally. One day I will experience what others my age are experiencing. One day we will escape this foreign land and enter into some sort of lighted place. One day life will enter her again. One day I will be able to lean back after a hard days work, and honestly feel like I have accomplished something. One day she will smile again. One day, we may actually be our true selves.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Tiredsome
It has been almost a week. I have grown more tired this week. My routines are not quite what I had expected.
I wake up more tired than when I went to bed. Headaches are more occurring.
Yet I am finding my heart being drawn to Christ. Wanting to rest with him and finding joy in his presence. Coming closer, I hope, with allowing myself to go to the Prince of Peace to cast my burdens on him and to allow him to breath into me the life that he gives, the Holy Spirit. Wanting to look into his eyes and know that he cares for me more so than anyone else I know.
What would he say to me? How would he respond?
Come, Lord Jesus, come. I want to fall at your feet. I want to look you straight in your eyes. I want to love like you love me. I want to love like you loved. Come, Lord Jesus, come.
I wake up more tired than when I went to bed. Headaches are more occurring.
Yet I am finding my heart being drawn to Christ. Wanting to rest with him and finding joy in his presence. Coming closer, I hope, with allowing myself to go to the Prince of Peace to cast my burdens on him and to allow him to breath into me the life that he gives, the Holy Spirit. Wanting to look into his eyes and know that he cares for me more so than anyone else I know.
What would he say to me? How would he respond?
Come, Lord Jesus, come. I want to fall at your feet. I want to look you straight in your eyes. I want to love like you love me. I want to love like you loved. Come, Lord Jesus, come.
Friday, July 11, 2008
July 12th on the 11th
Tomorrow is Saturday.
A new day. A fresh day to start anew and over with many things.
So this is what I want to do; I want to begin some new habits. Begin some new disciplines. I want to be me. Do the things that give me, life. I once heard that it takes something like, 28 days of doing something in a row before it becomes a habit. Tomorrow begins a journey towards those 28 days and end to some other journeys.
Getting up early and writing over a cup of coffee, while leaving plenty of room to read. I want to begin to read roughly 50 pages a day. More than what I can probably bite off, ok then, 25 pages to start of with. After writing, reading and coffee drinking, it would nice to take my beautiful Golden on a 10-15 minute walk where we bond and stretch his legs. After that come home, spend time with my bride and shower, then go to work. Where I begin the day with morning prayer.
Prayer, yet another discipline I would like to pick up. Noticing, I would assume, from my other posts, it is pretty obvious I struggle with prayer. Worried too much about what others think and not searching deep within to pray with God. My prayer time then would go into my study where I pray, listening for God's voice. Shaping my day and life around the hours of prayer, praying the liturgy and using other spiritual exercises. My next prayer adventure I want to experience is praying with icons. Thanks to a small book by Nouwen, this will soon be available to me.
I just want to get back to the things that I want to do and stop doing those things that I don't want to do. For when I want to do those things, I often find reasons not to do it but the things I ought not to do I too find reasons why I should do them. Crazy I know. But so is life and Jesus.
My dog makes me laugh! So does my guitar playing!
A new day. A fresh day to start anew and over with many things.
So this is what I want to do; I want to begin some new habits. Begin some new disciplines. I want to be me. Do the things that give me, life. I once heard that it takes something like, 28 days of doing something in a row before it becomes a habit. Tomorrow begins a journey towards those 28 days and end to some other journeys.
Getting up early and writing over a cup of coffee, while leaving plenty of room to read. I want to begin to read roughly 50 pages a day. More than what I can probably bite off, ok then, 25 pages to start of with. After writing, reading and coffee drinking, it would nice to take my beautiful Golden on a 10-15 minute walk where we bond and stretch his legs. After that come home, spend time with my bride and shower, then go to work. Where I begin the day with morning prayer.
Prayer, yet another discipline I would like to pick up. Noticing, I would assume, from my other posts, it is pretty obvious I struggle with prayer. Worried too much about what others think and not searching deep within to pray with God. My prayer time then would go into my study where I pray, listening for God's voice. Shaping my day and life around the hours of prayer, praying the liturgy and using other spiritual exercises. My next prayer adventure I want to experience is praying with icons. Thanks to a small book by Nouwen, this will soon be available to me.
I just want to get back to the things that I want to do and stop doing those things that I don't want to do. For when I want to do those things, I often find reasons not to do it but the things I ought not to do I too find reasons why I should do them. Crazy I know. But so is life and Jesus.
My dog makes me laugh! So does my guitar playing!
Monday, July 7, 2008
Voices
Letting my critic speak first is difficult. It is suppose to be the first thing that I do when I wake up. To get up, sit in front of this here laptop, and begin to allow my critic to speak. So I type, not really suppose to have any set topic to write about, but it always seems to come out a different way. Usually, especially these past few posts, are rantings and ravings about something that has pissed me off. Today, is no exception.
My heart is heavy and my eyes are filling up. I think of a water park back in Peoria where they had this huge bucket that swayed back and forth, swinging left, than right and every time it swayed water would gather in it, tossing it as it got heavier, viciously farther and farther to each side. Finally when there was too much water, it would all pour over. This is exactly what I am sure will happen soon with me.
As I allow room for my critic to speak, I begin to hear other voices within me, yelling and asking for my attention. Not to worry anyone who may happen to find themselves across this blog, I am not hearing those sort of voices. Simply voices that have began to lead me into a contemplative mindset. For instance, there I stood, leading morning prayer, following the flow of prayer the way the PC (USA) prayer book has it laid out for us and I give thanks for something that I lied about. What happens when you pray something but you're not really thankful for what you're praying for? Does God know? I guess this is when the Spirit prays for us, like how Paul touches base on it in Romans. Either way, I was suppose to give thanks for the body of Christ. As I fumbled for the right words to incorporate into my prayer, a sense of guilt came over me. For as I finished offering up this thing I am thankful for, I chuckled knowing that I am not thankful for it all. If anything, I hate it.
Strong words I know but right now I am very bitter towards the body of Christ. It disturbs me how churches pay so much attention to the things we do "right" that we become so mislead that we are too afraid or simply, neglect, to touch base on that which we need to work on. I dislike how only certain people in the church work or do the ministry. It is the same 15 or 20 people while the others participate and not have any desire to step in and help. Maybe they have been scarred or maybe they too have been hurt by the church. Either way, we are so dysfunctional that we leave ourselves with no option but to wear our great, colorful masks. Which, I think I will be adding some blue to mine.
"If I could only see your face, I know everything will be ok." Christ, please forgive us for our often selfish and rugged individualistic approach to your ministry. We just mean to pop our churches collars, so that we can show our community that we have a reputation for a reason. We want to give you the honor but only after I am recognized for the work I have done. I want to come to you Christ, for I am tired, heavy burden and battling open wounds, but I am too ashamed. How can I show my face to you? How can I fall at your feet and have you love me when I don't even love you all the time? I am wanting to be your disciple and I try and tell others about it, but its tough.
My inner critic has had other critics join him. Together they scream louder and louder, becoming angrier and angrier, while leading me into a direction I need to go. May all these voices, teach me to love you, Christ, and those whom I will find on the path I am on.
Shalom.
My heart is heavy and my eyes are filling up. I think of a water park back in Peoria where they had this huge bucket that swayed back and forth, swinging left, than right and every time it swayed water would gather in it, tossing it as it got heavier, viciously farther and farther to each side. Finally when there was too much water, it would all pour over. This is exactly what I am sure will happen soon with me.
As I allow room for my critic to speak, I begin to hear other voices within me, yelling and asking for my attention. Not to worry anyone who may happen to find themselves across this blog, I am not hearing those sort of voices. Simply voices that have began to lead me into a contemplative mindset. For instance, there I stood, leading morning prayer, following the flow of prayer the way the PC (USA) prayer book has it laid out for us and I give thanks for something that I lied about. What happens when you pray something but you're not really thankful for what you're praying for? Does God know? I guess this is when the Spirit prays for us, like how Paul touches base on it in Romans. Either way, I was suppose to give thanks for the body of Christ. As I fumbled for the right words to incorporate into my prayer, a sense of guilt came over me. For as I finished offering up this thing I am thankful for, I chuckled knowing that I am not thankful for it all. If anything, I hate it.
Strong words I know but right now I am very bitter towards the body of Christ. It disturbs me how churches pay so much attention to the things we do "right" that we become so mislead that we are too afraid or simply, neglect, to touch base on that which we need to work on. I dislike how only certain people in the church work or do the ministry. It is the same 15 or 20 people while the others participate and not have any desire to step in and help. Maybe they have been scarred or maybe they too have been hurt by the church. Either way, we are so dysfunctional that we leave ourselves with no option but to wear our great, colorful masks. Which, I think I will be adding some blue to mine.
"If I could only see your face, I know everything will be ok." Christ, please forgive us for our often selfish and rugged individualistic approach to your ministry. We just mean to pop our churches collars, so that we can show our community that we have a reputation for a reason. We want to give you the honor but only after I am recognized for the work I have done. I want to come to you Christ, for I am tired, heavy burden and battling open wounds, but I am too ashamed. How can I show my face to you? How can I fall at your feet and have you love me when I don't even love you all the time? I am wanting to be your disciple and I try and tell others about it, but its tough.
My inner critic has had other critics join him. Together they scream louder and louder, becoming angrier and angrier, while leading me into a direction I need to go. May all these voices, teach me to love you, Christ, and those whom I will find on the path I am on.
Shalom.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
No Kneeling for Me Please, I'm Lazy!
"For this reason I kneel before the Father..."
I wonder if Paul actually knelt before the father or if it was simply a figure of speech? I wonder if Paul had as hard of time praying as I do? I wonder if Paul felt the pressure of using big, fancy words when he prayed to paint pictures for his churches like I do? I wonder if Paul lacked confidence ever in the words that he prayed like I do? I wonder if Paul was ever ridiculed for the way he prayed like I think I do?
I wonder what my sufferings are and whose glories they end up being? I wonder if I will ever be like Paul? My deepest desire is that the youth may indeed one day be overfilled with the love of Christ that they have no idea how to respond except to fall flat to the floor and pray. So I wrestle then if at youth group we the church are allowing the knowledge of God to be made known to the youth? If so, am I know the knowledge and power of God that is supposed to be manifest itself through the church?
Rambling and grumblings this is but confused and at times, not amused, by the way faith and church mirrors themselves in my life. His eternal purpose, which was made known by Christ, is what I live for, I think. At least that is what I tell myself. I also would like to know what it must be like to be rooted so deeply in Christ love that I honestly feel as a child of God. So I pray, along with Paul, that my youth may be deeply rooted and established in love, may have power, with all the saints (something that I am still trying to wrap my mind around, "the communion of saints"), to grasp how deep and wide and tall and round Christ love is, so incomprehensible that is surpasses knowledge.
I don't want a personal Jesus, one that I run to, to try and manipulate God and myself into thinking that I am a good person or that I am so horrible, that I committed such a horrible sin, that I need to feel so ashamed to sit at the feet of this Jesus character who tells me through the saints that his love surpasses all the knowledge I can gain. I want to love the way Christ loved others. I want to be Jesus. I want to be a radical like he was. I want to be a 'Jester for Jesus'. "To be filled with all the fullness of God." Simply, WOW!
Until then I write, at least I attempt to. To allow my inner critic, although I think I am 'breaking the rules' on how this is suppose to work, to speak and to get his voice out so that these questions, these issues, these doubts will no longer be something that hinders me. I don't believe in the devil as a horned being who sends out little fire like demons to trick/tempt me into doing 'bad' things. Rather, I believe is being undisciplined and lazy which results in a life style that is not one that mimics Christ's. This is where I am at I think. All this about church life, trying to live into the fullness of God's love/grace/knowledge, is simply because I want more but am simply LAZY.
So pray dear friends. Pray for me. May you and I together like Paul, fall on our knees and pray to the Father who is what gives us life and hope and love, and pray for each other. Pray on your knees, pray for the love of Christ to consume us!
Shalom.
I wonder if Paul actually knelt before the father or if it was simply a figure of speech? I wonder if Paul had as hard of time praying as I do? I wonder if Paul felt the pressure of using big, fancy words when he prayed to paint pictures for his churches like I do? I wonder if Paul lacked confidence ever in the words that he prayed like I do? I wonder if Paul was ever ridiculed for the way he prayed like I think I do?
I wonder what my sufferings are and whose glories they end up being? I wonder if I will ever be like Paul? My deepest desire is that the youth may indeed one day be overfilled with the love of Christ that they have no idea how to respond except to fall flat to the floor and pray. So I wrestle then if at youth group we the church are allowing the knowledge of God to be made known to the youth? If so, am I know the knowledge and power of God that is supposed to be manifest itself through the church?
Rambling and grumblings this is but confused and at times, not amused, by the way faith and church mirrors themselves in my life. His eternal purpose, which was made known by Christ, is what I live for, I think. At least that is what I tell myself. I also would like to know what it must be like to be rooted so deeply in Christ love that I honestly feel as a child of God. So I pray, along with Paul, that my youth may be deeply rooted and established in love, may have power, with all the saints (something that I am still trying to wrap my mind around, "the communion of saints"), to grasp how deep and wide and tall and round Christ love is, so incomprehensible that is surpasses knowledge.
I don't want a personal Jesus, one that I run to, to try and manipulate God and myself into thinking that I am a good person or that I am so horrible, that I committed such a horrible sin, that I need to feel so ashamed to sit at the feet of this Jesus character who tells me through the saints that his love surpasses all the knowledge I can gain. I want to love the way Christ loved others. I want to be Jesus. I want to be a radical like he was. I want to be a 'Jester for Jesus'. "To be filled with all the fullness of God." Simply, WOW!
Until then I write, at least I attempt to. To allow my inner critic, although I think I am 'breaking the rules' on how this is suppose to work, to speak and to get his voice out so that these questions, these issues, these doubts will no longer be something that hinders me. I don't believe in the devil as a horned being who sends out little fire like demons to trick/tempt me into doing 'bad' things. Rather, I believe is being undisciplined and lazy which results in a life style that is not one that mimics Christ's. This is where I am at I think. All this about church life, trying to live into the fullness of God's love/grace/knowledge, is simply because I want more but am simply LAZY.
So pray dear friends. Pray for me. May you and I together like Paul, fall on our knees and pray to the Father who is what gives us life and hope and love, and pray for each other. Pray on your knees, pray for the love of Christ to consume us!
Shalom.
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