Our True Selves

The temptation is there. I feel it. I sense it. All around me I see success in a way that the world tells me what is success. Looking around I see those who are our age, happy, homeowners, world travelers and lovers. Yet I feel like we are none of those.

Hidden in the darkness of their souls, there is laughter and their is joy. Hidden behind the thick brush that covers their true selves, lies a desire to see things they hope too. Yet being committed to something is difficult. Especially something that you rarely get to see the end too.

How did they do it? Just, drop everything, leave everybody and follow this man? Kierkegaard, reminds us that they did not know what we know. They had no idea that he was God. I mean, yeah he mentioned it but for us to say, "come on Peter, what were you thinking", would be slightly ridiculous.

Yet they showed no hesitation. He loved them and cared for them. He, I assume, got a little frustrated after being with them for so long and teaching them and speaking to them in parables, and they still did not catch on, and yet, he loved them. At least they actually had Him wash their feet and to pray for them. Would that even make a difference, though? I too are like them, I suppose. Yet, they eventually got it. Will I?

My heart is wanting more for myself. But the path I have chosen for me, for us, is one that is not easy. No it is, to be completely honest, one that requires me to be poor and to give lots of time to it. Why was it so simple for them? Or why is it so simple for me and I do not recognize it? I want to do this but I don't for what I am told are all the wrong reasons.

One day we will be rich. One day I will have my feet washed by the Teacher himself. One day I will love life unconditionally. One day I will experience what others my age are experiencing. One day we will escape this foreign land and enter into some sort of lighted place. One day life will enter her again. One day I will be able to lean back after a hard days work, and honestly feel like I have accomplished something. One day she will smile again. One day, we may actually be our true selves.